whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
