saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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