So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
