I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
