Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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