Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
