I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
