the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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