those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
