go do what you do best...puke behind churches
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
