He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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