1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize