I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
