I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
