3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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