Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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