We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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