dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
