dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
