My vagina just recognized that song.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
