It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
