Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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