I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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