Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
