i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
