We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
