He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
