1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
