don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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