i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
