Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize