guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
