i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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