His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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