It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
