wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
