I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
