My cat gives me a boner
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
