The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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