I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
