so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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