She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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