get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
