I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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