I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
