and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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