You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
