Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
