Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
