Michael Bay diarrhea
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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