I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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