Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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