1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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