Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
