eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
