I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
