Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
