Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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