My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
