Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's JV to your varsity
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
