Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
