I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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