I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
