420 ftw
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
