He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize