Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
