just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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