you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
