he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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