Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
