You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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