Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize