highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
