I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
