So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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