Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Fuck appropriateness.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
