I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
