In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
