stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
