I want to walk on stilts...naked
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
