Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
