An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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