I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
