Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
