Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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