i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
