Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize