I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
