Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
