i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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