he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
