he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
