drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
