Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
