Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize